brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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