Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
