It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
