remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
