he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
