You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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