96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I love having hate sex.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
