And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
