I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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