what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
