I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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