When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
