So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
