Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When are your genitals available?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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