You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
