i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
