I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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