Betty ford says i'm here all night
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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