her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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