just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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