I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
