He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
