If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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