I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
