you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
