Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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