Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize