also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
