Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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