there's paper in my vomit.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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