He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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