cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
