you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
