She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
