at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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