I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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