you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
