there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize