Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
