Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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