I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
