i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
