Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He did a backflip because drugs
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
