you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
