When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
