On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
no, he came in my armpit
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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