So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
