how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My feet surprised me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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