I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You smell like stripper and shame
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I supernannyed him into submission
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
