Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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