My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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