Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
