how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
