Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
