Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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