I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
