I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
