You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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