jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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