He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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