You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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