I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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