1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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