I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
