one might say we're banned from that church
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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