I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
