Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
