Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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