I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Shame is for Republicans.
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