The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
