So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
