I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
