there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
