and you said cock pushups were impossible
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
