yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The power of my boobs compel you
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
